In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
