does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
