I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
