Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We talked him into tasing himself.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
