If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
