They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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