when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Randomize
