if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Everything about him screamed your future.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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