If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
