Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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