O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
