What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
