So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
