Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
