just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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