My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just want to make out with him forever
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize