but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
