Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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