Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
