He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
