I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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