Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
