hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
