Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
