can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Randomize
