Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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