the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
