Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
