im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I need to align my fucking chakras
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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