'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize