David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
