Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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