went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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