Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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