It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
