nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
