I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
