I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I can't turn off my feet"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize