also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
