We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
