walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
