Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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