I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
