I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
