so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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