i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
