guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize