whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Randomize
