She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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