He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
