it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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