He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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