dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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