whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
