I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
