Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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