I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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