I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
