What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
3 2 1 whiskey
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
