Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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