how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
