honey bunches of taint.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
