Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
