How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
