Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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