I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
