Moan for me like Helen Keller
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
