You work out of a Hotel?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
